The second step to creating a lasting, loving, and healthy marriage is loving 100% unconditionally. Are you really applying this concept to your marriage?
Here are Six Essential Steps to Create An Amazing Marriage:
- Communicate positively
The Second Step to an Amazing Marriage Relationship: Care Unconditionally
In marriage the central core of the relationship is that knowledge that our husband or wife really loves us....they deeply care about everything we think and do. Showing our love - our caring - for our companion is foundational for a healthy relationship. Not just caring, but caring unconditionally. That means that our spouse needs to know that even when we dislike something he or she does, we still love him or her.
Our companion needs to know, without a single doubt, that we love him/her…that there is nothing they can ever do that will make us stop loving. That is unconditional love. One of my favorite country tunes is by Randy Travis. He sings about how he doesn’t love her for her hair, or her figure, that he’ll love her forever....forever and ever....no matter what.
How can we do this? We all change over time. How can we love one another as much after weight gain, hair loss, stupid mistakes and temper tantrums? It's simpler than you think.
"Husbands and wives need to truly accept their mates just as they are ... not as they would like them to be"
- Tes and Susan Tanner
In Tes and Susan Tanner’s book “Enjoy the Journey Along Your Marriage Highway” they wrote, “Husbands and wives need to truly accept their mates just as they are, and not condition their acceptance on their spouses becoming as they would like them to be. One problem plaguing many marriages occurs when one spouse tries to change or improve his or her mate. Even if the intention in doing this is positive, the outcome is almost always disastrous.”
If there is something that consistently bothers you, there are two options: First, be an example of the behavior you want your spouse to model. Say the things you want them to say; act the way you want them to act. Show your spouse through your example before you expect them to change. Second, wait until the time is right, then carefully and kindly discuss it. We’ll talk later about how to do this.
Please keep an eye out for Step 3: Commit, the next article in Dr. Paula's series on creating an amazing marriage.
Dr. Paula Fellingham is the Founder and CEO of the Women’s Information Network (WIN), an educational and social network for women, and a global community of women: www.WomensInformationNetwork.com. The WIN hosted the largest gathering of women in history for the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day on March 8, 2011: 377 live events in 152 countries.
Paula has given presentations to delegates at the United Nations, for the World Movement of Mothers in Paris, and at numerous other conferences across the world.
As a magazine contributor, Paula has written articles for People Magazine, International Business Times, Boston Globe, ABC 11, Worth Magazine, Family Living, Executive Excellence.
Paula received her Bachelor of Arts in 1971, and her Doctorate in 2004. Dr. Gilbert Fellingham (University Professor of Statistics) and Paula are the parents of 8 children, and the grandparents of 24 grandchildren.
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